I’m one of the moderators of r/orangecountyseddit. A subreddit of the r/seduction community for players based in orange county. We use a group messaging app GroupMe to shoot the shit, plan nights out and give each other tips and tricks. We have new guys come and go all the time. I asked everyone on the group if they had any sticking points being new to picking up girls. One of them gave me a detailed response asking for help so I’ll break it down here. I’ll post his message and add my thoughts in bold. here goes.
So here are a few points about what trips me up as a guy new to pick-up
It really bugs me how likely obvious it is to others that I don’t pick up girls often. I worry about what the girl(s) & other people around me will think. I usually imagine the people witnessing my approach are thinking something like: “Look at this guy trying to flirt. That’s how I flirted when I was in high school. Didn’t this guy ever learn to approach? He’s already like in his mid-20s. That’s pathetic.” Granted, I wouldn’t say that I flirt like I’m 15 years old, but the point is that at times it is likely obvious that I’m inexperienced. The potential shame from exposing that fact stops me from approaching, and so I don’t approach (and the vicious cycle continues).
Newsflash newbies, these types of thoughts are 100% projections of your own insecurities. In your head, hitting on a random girl is awkward so you think everyone is looking at you with that frame of mind. Reality is that those guys are thinking, “man look at that dude just go and talk to that girl, I wish I had the balls to approach a cute girl like that”
When you’re laying on your death-bed, will you remember the hot chick you talked to or will you remember the thoughts of strangers who don’t matter to you?
Again, projecting your insecurities. Most girls fantasize about an attractive man interrupting their boring ass day to sweep them off their feet. Her day probably consists of a whole lot of meaninglessness. Checking her Fb, instagram, etc. She’s not doing anything that can’t be dropped to talk to an attractive man. The correct frame of mind is “I’m the most interesting man in this room and I add value to everyone I come in contact with” Even if it’s not true yet. Fake it till you make it my dude.
This was especially true for me last night. I went out to the Starbucks at UCI with the intention of approaching, and I was surrounded by cute college girls. Yet the fact that they were all either talking with others, reading books, listening to music, etc. stopped me. Thoughts like “Oh she’s studying for a midterm” and “What if she rejects me in front of all of these people?” ran through my mind. I meekly sat there reading my book instead & eventually left with no numbers.
If these girls didn’t want to be interrupted they would be studying in private. No one goes to starbucks to avoid human interaction. They are there because subconsciously they want you to talk to them.
You aren’t seeing all the bs “that guy” has to put up with behind closed doors to keep his “dream” girl. There are no dream girls. I want you to repeat after me ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME.
Yes I’m generalizing. Yes I know that some women are better than others. BUT YOU MUST ADOPT THE FRAME TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH THEM. Pussy does not belong on a pedestal. It belongs in your bedroom.
In summary, you are holding onto limiting beliefs. You’re talking yourself out of approaching women based on the preconceived notions about the thoughts of others. You have to think of your life as a video game where everyone else is a NPC. You can interact with them when you choose, but the minute you let someone else’s thoughts (that you don’t even know are actual thoughts) affect your decisions, you’ve lost. Be a winner and don’t give a shit what a random bro thinks about you.
Next time you see a cutie pie here’s what you do. Take a slow look around the room, observe how self involved the majority of people are and realize that not a single person is watching you.
Know that even by walking up and saying anything, you’re farther ahead than 80% of dudes in terms of talking to random women. Even if you strike out, the worst that can happen is a woman says no.
Take a deep breath. A truly deep one, feel it flow from your throat, through your chest and down into your nuts. Let the breath out and start to move your feet.
Your brain will give you the words to say. Just walk.