Life is a game and then you die. Make the most of it.

I will never be a boyfriend again.

Published November 12, 2013 in Game , Masculinity , Sex - 4 Comments

Being a boyfriend involves a lot of silliness. Holding purses, going shopping, long ass phone conversations, saying things in a cute baby voice, constant validation giving, unnecessary “anniversaries” (what’s with girls obsession with having month or even week anniversaries? for fucks sake at least wait the full year you impatient bitches) gifts, celebrating valentines day,  random declarations of love, continual displays of romance. It’s enough to make a grown man sick.


Never again. The last time I was a boyfriend, I would have to talk to my GF on the phone before she went to sleep. She liked hearing my voice before bed. It was comforting to her. When we first started going out I was more than happy to do that for her. Then it started being mildly inconvenient, pretty soon it became an outright chore. We would spend all day together, I’d come home and just want to relax with my brother and smoke a bowl, but nooooooo I would let her call me once she got in bed, put on my best “I’m talking to a five-year old” voice and tell her a bedtime story. Now don’t get me wrong, I love telling stories and I’m pretty damn good and making them up as I go. But there comes a time in a boy’s life when he must put aside the childish things of his youth and become a fucking man.

When I was a boyfriend I fucked like a little boy. Sure we got into some light spanking and she liked to talk dirty. But dirty back then is plain vanilla compared to know. AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. She was a my little slut that I didn’t take advantage of. She once told me “fuck me like you paid me” and I was taken aback honestly.

But that’s how they get you. They train you when you’re in the “honeymoon phase” when they know you’ll do anything to keep fucking them. They get you to do one little thing at a time, until one day you look back and you can’t believe how she got you to do so much silly shit for her.



A man doesn’t have to kiss his girls ass. A man has his ass kissed because his women know that if they step out of line, there are plenty more waiting to take her spot.

A man gives compliments by the way he fucks his woman. When she looks so hot dressed up for your night out that you grab her by the throat, bend her over the couch and fuck her with her heels still on because you can’t wait till after the night out to have her.

A man has standards and boundaries. A boy takes what he can get and begs for scraps.

A man sends a text saying “my house, 8pm, a dress with no panties and your hair in a ponytail.”

A boy asks “hey you, i was wondering if maybe you weren’t busy and would do me the honor of your company tonight”

A man fucks his woman so well that the thought of another cock doesn’t even enter her mind.

A boyfriend fucks so poorly that his girlfriend wants “a break to find herself” so she can get fucked by someone like me.

When I was a boyfriend I would say silly white lies “of course I only have eyes for you babe”

Now that I’m a man, I point out women to my girl. “look at the tits on the girl in red” and we plan who we want to seduce to join us for the night.

I’m happier now than I have ever been. My girl is living proof that you don’t need to be a boyfriend to make a woman happy. In my reality, I’ve never made a woman happier than I have by being her MAN.


Sploosh out.


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